Reflections

I woke up this morning thinking how it "used" to be, we would go to church every Sunday morning and night. I miss it. After falling off the ladder we fell out of the routine of going. I was thinking of going today but thought to myself "what shoes would I wear"? I think I have allowed myself to get complacent about it. Lazy most likely. I mean does it really matter what shoes I wear? NO! I have allowed my relationship with God to wane. I loved feeling so secure and safe in His hands. I have no doubt I am still there but I am not "in tune" with it. I need to dedicate myself to working on being more diligent. I know God never moves it is us. That could be the main reason I am so unhappy with Carl. I find it hard to fathom. An activity that I enjoyed so much that I would do it EVERYDAY without fail for months, years! Maybe I am not that into anyone thing. But Carl sure can hunt. It never bothered me much before in fact I welcomed the break. Maybe it's because Loni is older or maybe because he is so tight with the money. I must admit it me who has changed not Carl. He has been this way since I married him. I don't know. I feel somewhat guilty about the "thing"with my sister too. I know she has burned bridges I am not willing to let her mend but the nice side of me wants to let her. We only go around once, she is the only sister I have. I am just not willing to let her keep hurting me. I need to pray about it. Wow I sound kind of depressed. I don't think I am although I have eaten like 25 miniature snickers while writing this. I hear Atkins Diet calling me back:) Well when it comes down to it I LOVE MY FAMILY and want to do whatever I can for them no matter what my needs are. Again I am so thankful for friends. I feel like they like me for me not for what I can do for them. That area of my life is so fulfilled which may be why the other areas seem out of order. Okay I am shaking this melancony mood and getting happy!